Tobias’ labor was wonderful! Right after giving birth, I felt that I would want to go through it all again – it was such a beautiful and powerful experience! Even my husband, Teodor, who saw a birth for the first time since he wasn’t allowed to be there for Nikolaus’ birth, said right after little Tobias was born, “That wasn’t so bad at all”… I gave him a side-eye, but to be honest, he wasn’t wrong. Despite the intense pain, it was an amazing birth!
Tobias was born exactly one week before the due date – on September 6, 2023. The birth wasn’t unusually fast, but it lasted less than 4 hours, and I couldn’t believe how quickly time passed. I didn’t recognize the beginning of labor for my first birth because false contractions had confused (read Nikolaus’ birth story here). I was sure that I would recognize the start of the next birth, but not at all! False contractions had been happening daily since the beginning of the second trimester, and as the due date approached, they became more convincing.
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An unclear start
So, on a September morning with a hint of autumn, on a Wednesday at 5:30 a.m., Teodor’s alarm started ringing – he needed to wake up earlier than usual for work. I had already awakened a little before the alarm and was pondering while lying in bed whether I had dreamed that I had a few contractions during the night or if I had actually woken up from sleep due to contractions. I didn’t say anything to Teodor, I just silently contemplated and observed what my body was doing. Then, after Teodor had snoozed the alarm clock, as he usually does, a stronger pain came. It wasn’t overly intense, but it did create an unexpectedly uncomfortable feeling, and I quietly groaned to myself. Teodor opened his eyes upon hearing me and asked what was happening. I told him that I wasn’t entirely sure if it was a false contraction or not and suggested that we should be ready. That day was the worst day of the week for giving birth because Teodor had to be at various workplaces from early morning and wouldn’t be home until late at night when we would already be asleep. So, I immediately asked what would happen if we started giving birth now. Neither of us knew what would happen. A few minutes later, another contraction came, and then a couple of minutes later, another one. Upon this, Teodor quickly got out of bed and started looking for replacements for himself (primarily at the school where he works as a teacher and homeroom teacher), because even though I still wasn’t entirely sure, it seemed like things were moving towards labor. A strange thing I noticed was that the contractions had very short intervals right from the start and were also irregular. Some contractions didn’t last very long, sometimes only a few seconds. This reminded me a lot of the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been experiencing so far, except that these were quite painful.
Last-minute preparations
Still, I got out of bed and started cleaning. For the past couple of weeks, I had been actively trying to keep our home very clean, just in case I couldn’t clean during the early stages of labor, so I wouldn’t have to start cleaning as soon as I returned from the hospital. But, of course, the previous evening, when Teodor was working late again, our two-year-old firstborn was in a particularly strange mood and managed to mess up the whole place to the point that I couldn’t clean anymore that evening. So, I tried to clean in the morning with my strange contractions. Every time I took a step, a contraction came. Every time I bent down to pick something up from the floor, a contraction came. And these weren’t mild cramps; they were intense pains that required deep breathing. A little fear began to take over my body, and I told Teodor that I wanted to go to the hospital. Teodor was bewildered and said thoughtfully that maybe I was just upset right now. Because he knew I definitely wouldn’t want to go to the hospital too early. I mumbled something to myself and continued cleaning clumsily.
Finding the right rhythm
About half an hour later, I realized that I couldn’t move anymore and had to find a suitable position to breathe through the pains. I tried to remember what was most comfortable for me during Nikolaus’ birth, but I couldn’t recall. I tried lying on my side, standing, kneeling, and finally got on all fours. From that moment on, I stayed on all fours for the next three hours. The pains were really intense, and I was actually quite panicky. It all started so unexpectedly, the contractions were completely irregular, very short, and sometimes there was no gap between two contractions longer than just a few seconds. Whenever I moved too abruptly or took a step, a new contraction came. I let go of control over the labor and told Teodor, who was still searching for replacements on his computer, that I couldn’t handle it, it was too painful, and I didn’t want to give birth. Teodor looked me in the eyes and said that I didn’t have to do it alone because, during labor, hormones would come to help and support me. That gave me the missing strength, and at that moment, I realized that the joke was over, and I had to pull myself together. Each time a contraction came, I calmly breathed in through my nose and exhaled gently making “horse lips”, trying to focus on relaxing the facial muscles. I breathed this way for a while, but for some reason, it made my husband and our recently awakened Nikolaus so much fun that I decided to try something else. From then on, I breathed quietly, inhaling for four seconds and exhaling for six seconds each time the pain occurred. This technique worked really well, and I continued to use it until the pushing phase began.
Let’s go to the hospital
It was around 7 a.m. when I was finally convinced that I was indeed in labor. I called my friend, with whom we had previously arranged for Nikolaus to stay while I was giving birth. I told her that I wasn’t sure how fast my labor was progressing because contractions had no breaks from the beginning, and I wasn’t sure what was happening, but we were likely heading to the hospital soon. Luckily, the hospital bag was already packed, but I couldn’t pack things for Nikolaus anymore because contractions kept coming. Daddy could barely find pants for our little one, and so we sent him off without feeding or dressing. Right after that, we started moving towards the hospital.
Although it was just a few dozen meters from the front door to the car, I experienced four very intense contractions on my way to the car. When I stepped out of the door and fell on the floor due to another contraction, literally kneeling on the doorstep, Teodor stood in front of me and said, “I feel so important because you’re bowing down to me right now.” I was in so much pain that I couldn’t cry or laugh, and I told him as briefly and firmly as possible, “Go away.” Teodor responded, “Someone has lost their sense of humor.” The pain subsided, and I asked Teodor to bring the car as close as possible because I realized that walking was causing more contractions, and I couldn’t move far. I started to shuffle slowly toward the car on my own. I told Teodor, continuing his previous poorly timed joke, that he could make jokes when I didn’t have contractions, but I didn’t have the mood for humor when I had to breathe through the pain. Before getting into the car, I had to breathe through two more pains while leaning against the car door.
In the car, I knelt on the back seat, supporting myself with my hands and head against the front seat – it was the best of the worst options, though not exactly law-abiding. The drive to the hospital was terrible. We drove for about twenty minutes, and I think I had 10-15 contractions during that time, essentially the entire time. Teodor drove super delicately, trying to avoid even the slightest brake, but despite that, the car’s slightest vibrations were devastating during the contractions. From the beginning of the car ride, I didn’t engage in any “idle” conversation anymore and breathed continuously for 4 seconds in and 6 seconds out. I took no breaks and entered a very focused and inward state. I only said “pain” to Teodor every time a contraction came, so he knew to drive extra cautiously.
Arriving to the hospital
While arriving at the hospital, Teodor parked the car right at the entrance, and as long as he exchanged morning greetings with the security guard, I had to breathe through one more contraction in the car. I entered the hospital literally hanging onto Teodor and barely dragging my feet behind me; I had no strength left. The time was already 8:14 by then, as indicated on my hospital wristband. When we entered, the receptionist did everything in her power to send me to the midwife for a check-up as quickly as possible, so I wouldn’t have to suffer for long. Before the examination, I had to breathe through one more contraction, and after that, I found out that I was already dilated to 7-8 cm. I was very surprised at how quickly it had all progressed, and I actually felt a great sense of relief because I was finally starting to understand how my labor was progressing, the intensity of the contractions, and how to breathe through them. Somehow, I managed to remain in a deep state of labor and be stronger than those incredibly powerful contractions, quietly breathing through them. At one point, the midwife was even confused and asked if I had a contraction at that moment or not because there was no external change in me during contractions. I didn’t have this kind of control over the pain during Nikolaus’s birth, and it was absolutely terrible.
Entering the delivery room: just like in a movie
We began doing CTG in the examination room, and the midwife told me to let her know when the pushing phase began. I was thinking what pushing? I’ve just started… But indeed, only a few minutes later, I felt the first urge to push, and I groaned through the pain, saying, “push.” The midwife jumped up, and the next part was like a scene from a Hollywood TV series. She called another midwife and told her to hurry up with the bed. While waiting, she helped me change clothes extremely quickly. Once I had moved to the other bed, the midwives ran with the bed to some distant part of the hospital ward. The bed was shaking like crazy, but I was in such a deep trance-like state that I barely noticed what was happening around me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Teodor following along, although I wasn’t thinking about him at all anymore. Suddenly, we were already in the delivery room, and I had to move to another bed again. I had a few more regular contractions before the actual pushing started.
To the victorious end
Tobias’ birth was attended by two midwives because one was a trainee. Both were very friendly and kind. It seemed to me that all the people in the room stood away from me and watched the process. No one disturbed me, gave unnecessary advice, or bothered me in any other way. Occasionally, I asked a question myself, but generally, this birth was all on me, and I didn’t engage in prolonged conversations with anyone. At one point, the midwife asked if I’d like to change position, as I had been kneeling since early in the morning. I said I was indeed tired, but I was afraid that another position might be worse. However, I remembered that my friend had given birth twice lying on her side, so I decided to give it a try. It was a great decision; I was on my side for the entire pushing phase, and that’s how the baby was born.
When the actual pushing began, the character of the birth changed completely. I burst out of my deep trance-like state and had to exhale louder with each push. Now I say laughingly that the baby was born not while pushing but while screaming because the ending really came just “out of thin air,” and I didn’t have much strength left for pushing. Right from the start, I asked the midwife for permission if I could let my body physically do the pushing without actively contributing, and she allowed it. About twenty minutes before the baby’s birth, I started gradually contributing my own strength. The waters hadn’t broken yet, and the midwife thought that when it did, the baby would come out immediately. With each push, I eagerly awaited the waters breaking, but it didn’t want to break. Finally, one midwife gently touched the amniotic sac with her fingertip, and it burst so that half the room was literally drenched in water. This caused a moment of excitement and laughter. Fifteen minutes later, the baby came – I had to use quite a bit of strength to get him out. I had to use my body’s strength to help him emerge. I had complete control over my body and felt very clearly how the baby’s head was moving and gradually coming out. I asked if the head was moving yet, and everyone in the room enthusiastically confirmed that it was in progress. I glanced at Teodor, and he nodded in agreement, though he looked a bit pale. In reality, Teodor stood in one place the entire time, just watching from a distance. I felt sorry for him and told him not to suffer because of me and that he could leave the room if he found it unpleasant or even if he was just tired. He decided very determinedly to stay and asked me not to worry about him. At some point, just before the baby was born, he came over to me and offered me some water to drink, which was much appreciated. He didn’t interfere further, which was the best thing he could do.
At 9:18, only an hour after arriving at the hospital, our baby boy was born, and it was such an incredible feeling when I saw the baby being lifted from my body and placed on my chest. Naturally, there was also immense relief because I could finally rest. Towards the end of the pushing phase, I started pushing too forcefully, I admit – I wanted it to end, and I went a bit too enthusiastically, which resulted in some minor tears. Nevertheless, the birth was overall very successful, and shortly after, I was thinking about wanting to give birth again; it’s just such an incredible experience!
